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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25819798">Backfire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwfulLoneliness/pseuds/AwfulLoneliness'>AwfulLoneliness</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Founding of Konoha, I blame the pandemic, I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going with this, I'll add ship tags as they appear, Like Those Cannon Fodder Shinobi Madara Ploughed Through on WW4, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Indulgent, Slice of Life, Uchiha Izuna Lives, Warring States Period (Naruto), everyone is bi, no beta we die like shinobi, this is one of those worlds were everything is happy and doesn't hurt, until it starts hurting because I'm the author and i do what I want</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:48:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,693</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25819798</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwfulLoneliness/pseuds/AwfulLoneliness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“An experimental jutsu backfired,” Tobirama said.<br/>“What jutsu?” Hashirama asked.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Senju Hashirama/Uzumaki Mito, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Izuna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Backfire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'll add the additional warnings here. This one contains brief mentions of blood and blink and you'll miss human experimentation</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Additional warnings will be added here. This chapter contains blink and you'll miss human experimentation</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Year 1 (moment of the backfire)</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The blood was ready. The sacrifice was out cold on the ground. Fingers were nimbly running through unfamiliar seals. The moment of truth for this new jutsu was <em>now</em>.</p>
<p>“Kuchiyose no jutsu: Edo Tensei!”</p>
<p>The world exploded in white then faded to black.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>First came the feeling, something rough like bark and something soft like dust. Second came the hearing, wind rustling leaves and birds chirping in the distance. Third came the taste, blood and dust and possibly twigs, but not much of either so that was good. Fourth came the smell, moss and dampness but no ashes, so nothing caught fire, thank Kami. Fifth came the sight.</p>
<p>Two pairs of crimson eyes opened at the same time and stared into one another, eyes of the exact same color and shape that searched the features of the person in front of them, familiar like looking into a mirror and yet so alien. The same color of hair, grey so light it looked white, both spiky but one long and the other short. The same shape of the nose, of the cheekbones, of the jawline.</p>
<p>“Something went terribly wrong,” the red-eyed, white-haired girl in moss green armor said.</p>
<p>“Indeed,” the red-eyed, white-haired boy in moss green armor answered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“... I would decant for a splitting of the soul.”</p>
<p>“No, it must be a form a summoning from... well, I call them 'if' worlds. You're from the world if I were born a boy.”</p>
<p>The boy frowned. “Impossible. I've always existed here.”</p>
<p>“So have I, Tobirama,” the girl huffed. “Anyways, we have no way to prove or disprove any theory.”</p>
<p>“I think 'Ranma' is enough of a weird name for a girl to prove the theory, <em>Ranma</em>,” Tobirama said.</p>
<p>“I'm called Ranma as in genuine orchid, not the house ornamentation,” Ranma replied. “Well, it's late and I already thought of a place to hide you, so we should head back home—That's it!”</p>
<p>“You're right. Back home we can confirm who's the native of this world.”</p>
<p>They jumped into the trees and ran home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They decided to approach the compound walking down the road to the gates. Jumping over the wall into a shinobi compound with a stranger was probably more trouble than necessary, even if the stranger was a carbon copy of you, and why take that kind of risk when being cautious was no more effort than the alternative?</p>
<p>So both Senju Tobirama and Senju Ranma, third son/daughter of Senju Butsuma and Hatake Tekuma, thirteen years old, born on 19<sup>th</sup> february at more or less 7.35 pm, younger brother/sister to Hashirama and Kawarama and older to Itama, only remaining brother/sister to Hashirama, knocked on his/her compound's gates.</p>
<p>A hatch opened an a single green eye stared at them.</p>
<p>“Password?” a voice behind the gate asked.</p>
<p>“Exhale,” they answered in unison.</p>
<p>The gate opened.</p>
<p>“Hello, kids,” his/her third cousin fourth removed Senju Ryuusuke said. “What did you blow up today?”</p>
<p>They had been fully prepared to have to explain and lie the other's way into the compound, but the possibility of both of them being recognized hadn't even been a passing thought. They were taken aback and exchanged a confused look.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” they replied at the same time, slightly bewildered.</p>
<p>“It's so weird when you do that. Come on, don't stay out there,” Cousin Ryuusuke ushered them in and shooed them away with a wave of his hands.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Cousin Ryuusuke,” Ranma said. Tobirama nodded at the man.</p>
<p>They had only walked a couple of steps into the compound when they heard someone running toward them.</p>
<p>“There you two are! I was worried sick!” Hashirama said, stopping his sprint right in front of them and going for a hug.</p>
<p>Tobirama made to dodge but Ranma grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. At sixteen, Hashirama was taller and bulkier than any of them, and he used that advantage to lift them up and spin them around.</p>
<p>“ANIJA THIS IS SO UNDIGNIFIED! PUT ME DOWN!” Tobirama yelled.</p>
<p>“I REFUSE TO SUFFER ANIJA'S HUGS ALONE!” Ranma yelled back.</p>
<p>“THEN DODGE HIM!”</p>
<p>“HE'LL CHASE ME!”</p>
<p>“STOP YELLING IN MY EARS!” Hashirama yelled in turn and dropped them. Then his face changed, became something dark and sad as he put a hand on each of the teens' shoulders. “How far away were you?”</p>
<p>The children looked at each other.</p>
<p>Hashirama looked scared. “Let's talk at home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As soon as the front door closed behind them, Hashirama started fussing over them, hands glowing green.</p>
<p>“I'm unharmed,” Ranma put his oldest brother's hand down. “But...”</p>
<p>Hashirama narrowed his eyes. “Report,” he barked and they snapped to attention.</p>
<p>“An experimental jutsu backfired,” Tobirama answered.</p>
<p>“What jutsu?”</p>
<p>They couldn't meet his eyes.</p>
<p>“No, no, nononono,” he had his eyes tight closed. “You two promised...”</p>
<p>“Please don't tell Father,” Ranma begged.</p>
<p>“Backfired how?” when they remained silent, he repeated himself. “BACKFIRED HOW?”</p>
<p>“There shouldn't be two of us now,” Tobirama whispered.</p>
<p>“One of you could have <em>died</em><span>?!”</span></p>
<p>“It's not like that,” the boy explained. “It's... Anija, do you know what these are for?” he pointed at the red marks on his cheeks and chin.</p>
<p>“<span>What the fuck's that got to do with anything?! </span><em>How did it backfire?!</em><span>”</span></p>
<p>“Please answer.”</p>
<p>“Tattoos to look more intimidating.”</p>
<p>“Do you remember how it got this scar?” the girl asked about the thin line across her nose and left cheek.</p>
<p>“<span>Kunai accident with Kawarama. Tell me </span><em>now </em><span>the point of this.”</span></p>
<p>“One of us didn't exist before the jutsu backfired. He's your brother and I'm your sister but we are not related to each other.”</p>
<p>“What.”</p>
<p>“<span>I split my soul in two and created her, and we thought we could figure out I belonged to this world when we came here but apparently you recognize her so </span><em>I don't know what is happening because I've never seen her before!”</em></p>
<p>“Shut up! I summoned you here with that jutsu and this is my world and ANIJA SHOULDN'T KNOW YOU BUT HE DOES ANYWAY!”</p>
<p>“What,” they stopped glaring at each other and turned to Hashirama. He had put his hands on their heads, running a diagnostic jutsu. “Well, there's no concussions. It's weird that you lost the memories of each other and nothing else, though.”</p>
<p>“Our memories are fine,” Tobirama pouted, crossing his arms.</p>
<p>“We've really never seen each other before,” Ranma said, her pout and crossed arms already in place.</p>
<p>“You are twins, since the day you were born,” Hashirama patronized, and oh wasn't it a new low to be patronized by him. “You are mirroring each other right now.”</p>
<p>They looked at each other, saw it was true and hurried to uncross their arms. then they moved them around, unsure if it was best to let them hang or put them on their hips. They looked so cute Hashirama chuckled.</p>
<p>“Don't laugh, anija.”</p>
<p>“If I don't laugh I'll strangle you both. Listen, I won't tell Father but you're grounded anyway. Do you understand why?” he looked at them with so much disappointment in his face it hurt.</p>
<p>“Yes, anija.”</p>
<p>“I'm sorry, anija.”</p>
<p>“You will train double, in whatever I tell you to train, and you will read <em>only religious texts </em>until you understand <em>why you must let the dead rest in peace</em>. I'm still worried about your memories. I'll check both of you for the next few days. Now go to your room and thank every Kami you can find Father is away for the rest of the week.”</p>
<p>The teens left, shuffling their feet down the hall. They stopped in front of the same room.</p>
<p>“Do you sleep here too?” Ranma asked.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>They opened the door and were greeted by familiar-but-slightly-off piles of scrolls and notes, and two futons right in the middle.</p>
<p>“Figures,” Ranma snorted, lifting a paper. “This isn't my handwriting.”</p>
<p>Tobirama took the paper. “It's mine. Apparently both of us exist in this world.”</p>
<p>“It appears so. I think we're too old to sleep in the same room, tough.”</p>
<p>“I was thinking the same. We must figure out a way to return everything to normal.”</p>
<p>They sat on the floor and started sorting out scrolls and notes.</p>
<p>“Maybe we reversed-summoned ourselves to a world where we're twins,” she said after a while.</p>
<p>“Or we created a rift and the universe is trying to fill it up in the only way that would make sense.”</p>
<p>“I have a four word answer for that: Occam's Razor and confirmation bias.”</p>
<p>“Those are five words.”</p>
<p>“Shut up.”</p>
<p>Hashirama threw their door open. “I hear too much science in that conversation. Take all those scrolls back to the library and then come have dinner. No dessert.”</p>
<p>“Yes anija,” they answered in unison.</p>
<p>“It's so creepy when you do that.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter was betaed by the beautiful @QueenPotema, who has my eternal gratitude. No warnings for this one, so enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 1</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>What do you think?” Tobirama asked as he jumped from one branch to another. They were on the last leg of the journey home, taking point on the caravan to make the most of their sensory abilities.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>It won't rain until we're home,” Ranma answered.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Sometimes you're dumber than anija. I meant Mito-hime, not the weather.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I know you aren't, but it's so easy to upset you. Well, I like her. She's smart and pretty. But I'm biased because I plan to squeeze her of all her sealing knowledge. What about you?”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I like her too. And I think she'll be good to anija, she's so measured she'll curb his enthusiasm,” he dropped to the floor and touched his finger to the ground, focusing. She moved upwind and sniffed around.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>They straightened and motioned for the rest of the vanguard to keep moving.</span>
</p><p><span><span>“</span></span><span><span><span><span>I thought curbing him was </span></span></span></span><span><em><span><span>your</span></span></em></span> <span><span><span><span>deal. It'll be so weird; anija being married and you being obsolete.”</span></span></span></span></p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I need all the help I can get.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>She laughed. “True enough. Father said that since the marriage is finally happening he'll swear me in as One of Twelve as soon as there's a vacancy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They dropped to the floor right outside the ring of trees Hashirama had grown as a warning system for the compound, and waited with their senses open until the last of the caravan had crossed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I didn't know you wanted to be One of Twelve,” he told her.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I think it’ll suit me,” she shrugged, walking toward the cabins that were used for delegations to freshen up before they entered the compound's grounds. “If I’m with them darting around and running reinforcement I won’t have time to think, and you know I get weird when I start thinking on the battlefield. Father didn't agree before, but now that I have an anija and an otouto...”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>You're not actually older than me. For all intents and purposes, we are the exact same age. And even if you</span></span><em><span> were</span></em><span><span> older, we have no reliable way to prove it, so I might as well call you imouto and we'll each have fifty percent chance of being right.” </span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>It was only a joke, you know?”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I know, but it's the best way to stop you when you're acting childishly,” he paused, frowning. “You won't be able to get married.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I know.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Don't all women want to get married?”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Meh. If I got married I'd have to leave the clan, and I don't want to leave anija alone. I can still have a child of duty, you know? Maybe seduce a pretty Uchiha or Hyuuga to get a doujutsu for the clan.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>“Those would be great assets</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>
      <span>
        <span>.”</span>
      </span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Tobirama, Ranma,” Butsuma suddenly called them.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Yes, Father,” they answered at the same time.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Tobirama, go make sure the compound is in order. Ranma, go help the women.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>They bowed and departed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranma knocked on the door of one of the cabins.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>It's me,” she called.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Come on in.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped inside and was greeted by a flurry of activity. Five women were coming and going, pouring over scrolls, getting a kettle going for the tea, bringing food out, and heating water for the baths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>What do you need help with?” Ranma asked.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>What can you help with?” asked one of the bride's clanswoman.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Um... Carrying weight?”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Bring water then.”</span></span></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tobirama crossed the gates and looked around. Everything was wonderfully decorated, with banners and floral accents as far as the eye can see. He bowed deeply to the elders who waited right inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Elder Naoko, Elder Takeshi. Father sent me ahead with word of our arrival.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>And to keep an eye on your brother, I would hope,” Elder Naoko replied. “He's pacing like a caged tiger.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>As expected.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Perfect. We're all set here. We have forty of our best patrolling, ten sensors and thirty fighters. The hall is ready, there's no sign of the Uchiha, or any other clan, really. The only thing missing is the bride.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>They'll arrive in about an hour and a half.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Excellent. Now go see Hashirama-kun, he could use your support.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama bowed again and went to the central hall. He nodded to his clansmen as he passed them by, and finally found his brother in the deepest room of the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Anija?” he asked.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <span>“</span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>
      <span>
        <span>Tobira, you're here!” Hashirama beamed and hugged him. “Oh Kami, </span>
      </span>
    </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>
      <span>
        <span>you're here. </span>
      </span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>
      <span>
        <span>It's happening, it's finally happening.”</span>
      </span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Calm down, anija. Let's sit.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama sat in seiza, looking stiff under all the layers of his kuromontsuki. He was fidgeting and running his hands through his hair over and over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>We'll have some tea,” Tobirama said.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a knock on the door, and Cousin Akira walked in with a change of clothes and water for him to wash, and tea set for two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Elder Naoko,” the cousin answered when Tobirama raised an inquisitive eyebrow.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Of course.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Akira squeezed Hashirama's shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Calm down, Hashirama-san. Today's the hardest day, and before you know it you'll settle into married life.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama nodded and smiled at him. Akira settled for squeezing his shoulder once again before leaving the brothers alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama eyed the bucket and decided to use a suiton to clean and another to dry himself up. While he dressed, Hashirama drank cup after cup of tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Better?”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Not at all. How was the trip back?”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Luckily uneventful. Your in-laws kept pace well.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Good, good. That's good,” Hashirama giggled nervously.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama stared at him. “Ask,” he ordered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I want to, but... I have so many questions I can't actually think of any.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Well... Touka says she has a nice body.”</span></span></span>
</p><p><span><span>“</span></span><span><span><span><span>I've </span></span></span></span><span><em><span><span>met</span></span></em></span> <span><span><span><span>her before, Tobira, I know that. I want to know something else. Come on, you see things I don't. Tell me those things.”</span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span>Tobirama frowned, thinking. “Well, maybe it's because we were traveling, but she kept her hair in buns, and they were so tight she wasn't disheveled at the end of the day, just a couple of strands here and there, and she can tie them mid-jump. She's not used to traveling through the forest but she adapted after the first day. However, she was extremely graceful when we passed the whirlpools off the coast. Hmm... Ranma spoke with her the most, but for what little words we exchanged she seems smart, and when we talked about seals she looked excited. She had a demure laugh when she was with us, but when she was with her family she guffawed. It reminded me of </span></span></span></span><span><em><span><span>your</span></span></em></span> <span><span><span><span>laugh, anija.”</span></span></span></span></p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I'm so glad you understand what I mean even when I don't understand it myself,” Hashirama sighed, and then kept quiet, rubbing his montsuki between his fingers for a while. “Do you think I can be a good father?” he whispered so low that Tobirama had trouble hearing.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I know you can,” he whispered back.</span></span></span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Thrilling Pattycake Saga: Origins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the silliest thing I've written for this. Cute and kinda family-fluffy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Anytime between years 7-9</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I can't focus anymore,” Hashirama announced, opening his arms and flopping to the floor.</p><p>“Sit back up and go over that shipment order like <em>the Clan Head that you are,</em>” Ranma snarled without lifting her eyes from her own paperwork.</p><p>“But Ranma-chaan!”</p><p>“No. And don't you chan me.”</p><p>He pouted. He was hidden from her view by the low table but Ranma just <em>knew </em>he was pouting.</p><p>“Mito's going to be disappointed.”</p><p>He lifted his head over the table, eyes shining with unshed tears.</p><p>“Tobira's going to glare.”</p><p>His lips were trembling now.</p><p>“It hasn't stopped raining so if you go out to train again you'll trail mud all over the house.”</p><p>Tears were spilling now.</p><p>“The fact that I know I'm being manipulated should make the manipulation less effective. Yet, it doesn't.”</p><p>He grinned.</p><p>“And also the fact that they chose me to babysit you today, both of them knowing I'm the most pliable to your demands, indicates that there's no time- or content-sensitive paperwork that needs to be dealt with.”</p><p>He beamed.</p><p>“We call it Hashisit.”</p><p>He pouted.</p><p>“Want to play pattycake?”</p><p>He smirked.</p><p>“I hate myself for letting you get away with it, and I hate you for using my weaknesses against me.”</p><p>He kissed the top of her head. “Exploiting weaknesses comes with being a shinobi, Ranma. And your love for me knows no bounds,” he just laughed when she punched his shoulder. “Why pattycake?”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Great. Let me see if I still remember how to play.”</p><p> </p><p>The sound of rhythmic clapping brought Tobirama to the study. At that point of his long fifteen years of life, finding his brother and his half-self playing pattycake shouldn't even warrant a raised eyebrow, but he was the responsible one and he had to maintain that reputation, so he glared at them.</p><p>“What are you doing?” he demanded. He thought <em>displeasure</em> and let it show in his eyes.</p><p>Hashirama flailed and mumbled something. Ranma met his eyes head on.</p><p>“Anija is helping me regain the range of movement in my broken finger.” Her eyes showed <em>sincerity.</em></p><p>He twitched his lips: <em>disbelief. </em>Then a movement of his eyebrow: <em>unamused.</em></p><p>She furrowed her brows minutely: <em>disbelief?</em> Her lips dropped: <em>hurt.</em></p><p>Hashirama squirmed in the periphery of his vision. Tobirama raised an eyebrow: <em>fake hurt.</em></p><p>She was aware of Hashirama sweating beside her. Ranma flared her nostrils: <em>would never.</em></p><p>His expression didn't change. His eyes started leaving her, moving to their brother.</p><p>“It's an excellent replacement for conventional physical therapy,” she said out loud before her brothers locked eyes.</p><p>“Is that so?” A drop of his lids: <em>nice save but I'll get him to break and confess next time.</em></p><p>“It's exactly so,” a curling of her lips: <em>next time you catch us it'll be a legitimate form of physical therapy.</em></p><p>“Don't forget the paperwork, please,” Tobirama left the room and closed the door behind him, and Ranma sighed in relief.</p><p>“Was that... a whole conversation? By twitching your faces?” Hashirama asked.</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>Hashirama looked at her, and in the turn of his lips he showed <em>crept out.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sure I got the concept of Hashisitting from somewhere, so if you recognize where it's from let me know!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Futility of Banter on the Battlefield</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Izuna gets a little sexist in the first part. I thought the cursing made sense against an enemy for the time period.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Anytime between years 1-10 (since the Backfire)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were circling each other, muscles tense and ready to clash. Tobirama looked displeased, but again, that bastard always looked like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened, Senju?” Uchiha Izuna said. “Your sister finally got tired of hiding you behind her skirt?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ranma rarely ever wears skirts,” the stupid bastard answered, all seriousness as he closed their distance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izuna groaned inwardly while he dodged a slash. He had some good lines ready, but it was just his luck to face Tobirama. Banter was </span>
  <em>
    <span>lost </span>
  </em>
  <span>on that icy bastard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama smiled inwardly. When he didn't fall for Izuna's bait, the Uchiha became frustrated and more prone to mistakes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Izuna raised his eyebrow, body still and tense. Ranma's eyes were darting all over him, trying to read his movements.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see you finally found the courage to face me again,” he sneered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? No!” the bumbling bitch answered. “I mean, yes, I did. No, wait, that doesn't sound right. I mean, I didn't find it because it wasn't misplaced. It was always there, my courage. But, wait, when I say it like that it sounds like I need courage to face you, but that's not the case because it implies I have reason to fear you and that's not it, you know? I want to say I've never been scared of you... maybe we can start over...?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izuna groaned inwardly as he lost his patience and darted forward. Never mind how much thought he put into his banter, that manic bitch always derailed it in the most stupid ways. Why did he even bother?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ranma rolled her eyes inwardly when she parried his first strike. She couldn't believe that after all these years of fighting Izuna still didn’t realize she angered him into coming closer to press her taijutsu advantage.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Anytime between years 12-47 (since the Backfire)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Izuna parried Tobirama’s kunai with his own. His sharingan spun on his eyes, but the Senju kept his gaze locked somewhere around his lips. They were so close he felt Tobirama’s breath on his skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See something you like, Senju?” he purred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama didn’t dignify the jab with an answer, but he pulled Izuna by the collar of his shirt and  pressed their lips together. Izuna sputtered and pushed him away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Tobirama! This is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>spar </span>
  </em>
  <span>spar, not a sex spar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Tobirama said, with the barest hint of a smirk on his lips. “But I wanted to ensure my victory with a single move.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you---Shit!” Izuna spun around when Tobirama disappeared in a flash of light, but he still felt the steel of the kunai pressed against his neck. “Why are you at my back? You didn’t have time to tag me there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew you’d spin so I tagged the front of your collar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re disgusting, you know? Using your tactical genius like that just to avoid doing the dishes today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you don’t know?” Tobirama lowered his weapon, sounding confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what?” Izuna turned around to stare at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anija and Aneue are coming for dinner tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you love me, you’ll kill me and save me the pain,” Izuna groaned. Both Hashirama and Mito ate so much they brought extra plates so they didn’t run out of clean dishes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I kill you, I’ll have to wash them myself, so you’re out of luck now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izuna groaned again.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Older of the Twins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Have some fluff. Then it takes a turn for the worse because apparently that's how my brain works.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 11</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Imouto was scouting the terrain for that,” Tobirama answered Madara's question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Otouto has the exact numbers. Let me ask him real quick,” Ranma answered Izuna's question.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 12</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There's this thing I don't understand,” Izuna said one day over lunch. “Who's the older?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's... an odd question to ask, Izuna,” Ranma answered, furrowing her eyebrows like Izuna had asked how much two plus two was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hashirama,” Tobirama said, sounding like he was tired of dealing with people in general and Izuna in particular.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They shook their heads and stood up at the same time, leaving Izuna alone in the restaurant. It was only when they disappeared around the corner that Izuna realized they had saddled him with the whole tab.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only other Senju he could ask about the twins' age was Touka the cousin, so Izuna asked her one day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at him and then shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don't lose your sleep over that,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just don't.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 15</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Madara dropped in front of them. If pressed for answers, he would vehemently deny stalking the Senju twins and insist it was by pure luck he had found them returning home, tired from a spar and about to reach a T-shaped intersection, where he could block two escape routes just by the act of dropping in front of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hn,” he said, because stalking was easy but talking not so much, and he hadn't planned this far ahead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, so much nicer now that it's warmer and the rains have stopped,” Tobirama answered, because he was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>passive-aggressive</span>
  </em>
  <span> little shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Though my knowledge in Uchiha is limited, the inflection seems to indicate an inquiry about last night's sleeping pattern, not weather,” Ranma corrected, because she was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>smartass</span>
  </em>
  <span> little shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara glared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does that glare indicate then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm willing to stand here all day until you two are done with your antics because my presence has a purpose. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Or a heartfelt recommendation for that new barbecue place that opened last week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a question,” Madara said, because he </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> stand there all day but he didn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked at him, Tobirama displeased and Ranma encouraging. Fuck's sake they were little shits, while he turned the question in his head, every wording making it sound creepy. He was feeling his resolve deflating, but Uchiha Madara was no coward to back off now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask, Madara,” the woman encouraged him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's a... somewhat personal question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama's hand covered his sister's mouth before she had even finished taking a breath to answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn't want to know about that, imouto,” he scolded her with his eyes narrowed. “Neither about that,” he went on when she had raised an eyebrow. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>don't want him to know about that,” he answered when she raised her other eyebrow, and she finally relented. Madara was somewhat mesmerized but mostly crept out by the silent exchange.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who's the older?” he asked when the Senju little shits looked back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's... an odd question to ask,” Ranma answered, furrowing her eyebrows like Madara had asked how much two plus two was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hashi--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of you two!” Madara snapped. “I mean the older of you two!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That interruption was uncalled for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am speechless at your rudeness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We'll continue this conversation when you get a grip on yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall we go, otouto?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, imouto.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama put a hand on Ranma's shoulder and they disappeared in the flash of that damn jutsu of his.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HASHIRAMA!” The door to his office flew open and Madara strode in. He slammed his hands on Hashirama's desk, loomed over him and he snarled, “Who's the older?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What,” was all Hashirama could say. He was left speechless few times during his life, and this was one of those times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of those two little shits, thrice-damned devil spawn, pale-assed white-haired demons you call siblings, </span>
  <em>
    <span>who is the older?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just barged in on my office, leaking killing intent all over just to insult my siblings and ask a stupid question?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara might have been more out of it than he initially thought because he didn't notice his friend using his mokuton until the vines had climbed over his arms and legs and shoved him down onto a chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had always had a temper, but now it was flaring out of control more and more often. He closed his eyes and breathed to get it under control. When he eventually opened them again, Hashirama was staring at him with an odd look in his eyes. Was it anger or concern?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You keep losing your temper,” he simply said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara said nothing. Nothing needed to be said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something stirred in Madara's chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>did he?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Truly a remarkable man, to find time to worry for his friend between being a dotting father, a perfect husband, a caring brother, a village leader, a clan head, between dealing with internal affairs, external politics, civilian matters, shinobi problems, between supervising infrastructures, attending events, being adored by all...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara stopped himself short. Yes, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>did. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hashirama truly cared. He cared in a broad sense for his village, and in a specific way for all the people he loved, and Madara felt ashamed of the thing that stirred in his chest, and he grabbed it and the thoughts that clawed in his head and pushed it all away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” he answered his friend, because he truly did, even if he sometimes forgot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rubbed his wrists when the mokuton released him, and Hashirama eyed him a moment longer before sighing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nobody knows,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry?” Madara asked, at a loss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nobody knows who's older, if Tobirama or Ranma. Mom gave birth to them right after a huge battle. Even the midwives were tending to the injured, so she was all alone, and she was more worried about getting them out than seeing who appeared first. Then when they were... I was sixteen so they were thirteen or fourteen, they started treating the other as the younger to get on each other's nerves, then to get on other people's nerves, and now here we are. Though they treat each other as the older when they're trying to decide who's my paperwork slavemaster for the day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hn,” Madara scoffed. “And here I thought Izuna was complicated.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, sometimes I have a hard time remembering why I haven't strangled them yet.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A Test on Mito's Patience</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Offhanded mention of... self-harm? Suicide? It's a clone dispelling but it's disturbing.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Anytime between years 2-3</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mito was reading the new proposal from the Homura clan, trying to keep an impending headache at bay with a nice tea, when Tobirama entered the room and loomed over her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Aneue, I want to stab you.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, growing up in the Uzumaki compound meant you are desensitized to weird happenings on an almost daily basis, so Tobirama's words weren't the weirdest she'd ever heard (that place of honor would belong to first cousin twice removed Maru's “I've messed a kuchiyose and now there are fish demons walking on the streets so could you give me a hand here?”) but it was pretty high up on the list.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Would you be so considerate as to rephrase that, Tobirama?” she said calmly, looking up to him and discreetly palming a senbon, instead of shrieking and running away the way that request deserved.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>It's an experiment.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Unless you're experimenting how long I take to die from a stab wound, it doesn't clarify anything.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I'm a clone,” he finally said, and that would explain why he looked slightly off. “One tried to make me with mass of my own, but he doesn't know if he succeeded and Ranma refused to be stabbed because she's running an experiment of her own.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>One would be the original Tobirama, I assume,” she discreetly returned the senbon to the seam of her sleeve.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Yes,” he rolled his eyes. He was in that age bracket where everything deserved an eye-roll.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Take me to him first.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Impossible. He's trying to establish if he succeeded with the memory transference too.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The headache she was keeping at bay finally touched ground and became a hurricane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Fine. Tell me where he is and I'll let you nick me.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>His bedroom.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Thank you.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keeping her promise, she lifted the middle finger of her left hand right to his face and then lowered it so the clone could proceed. He took a kunai out of his pouch and pressed it onto her fingertip. She felt something cold and vaguely rubbery, but there was no blood, only a slight indent on her skin.</span>
</p><p><span><span>“</span></span><span><span><span><span>One is going to be disappointed,” the clone said, inspecting her finger. Then he reversed the grip on the kunai and drove it into his liver, disappearing with a poof and a thick cloud of smoke. That made for a very </span></span></span></span><span><em><span><span>disturbing</span></span></em></span> <span><span><span><span>sight.</span></span></span></span></p><p>
  <span>Mito went to his room and entered without bothering to knock. The twins were both there, Tobirama sitting on his futon with his eyes closed, and Ranma by the window writing a seal. Mito pointedly cleared her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>It's a mockup,” Ranma explained immediately.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Excellent,” she answered. “How are you, Tobirama?”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy opened his eyes slowly. “I have no memory of our interaction. Did you agree to be stabbed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Nicked, but yes.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>The memory transference failed then,” he uncrossed his legs and swayed slightly. “I have a hurt on my tummy.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mito was by his side and lifting his shirt before he had finished speaking. He was thankfully unhurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>It's a phantom pain because your clone stabbed itself in the liver. Your chakra is dangerously low too.”</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>I told him. I told you,” Ranma said.</span></span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“<span><span>Shuttup,” he answered.</span></span></span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Thrilling Pattycake Saga: Breaking Dawn/Only a Nursery Rhyme</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Gory mention right at the beginning and panic attack in the last segment, take care of yourselves, folks!<br/>Also, did anyone say angst? I heard someone say angst</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Anytime between years 13-14</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For the Uchiha clan as a whole, their biggest fear is someone plucking their eyes out. Their second biggest fear is sharingan going where they shouldn't go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So when he heard a little girl shrieking “sharingan don't go there!”, Madara bolted to the source.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They do!” sounded the equally shrieked answer in the exact same moment his feet landed on the playground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He saw four little girls, two Uchiha and two Senju; none was older than seven and they were in seiza in a circle with Senju Ranma sitting right next to them, smothering any further shrieks with a surgical application of killing intent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The mere sight of any of the Senju twins was giving him migraines these days, so he briefly considered walking away, but he was worried what the argument had been about, so he stepped closer instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Show me the spinning part again,” the white-haired bitch asked the Uchiha girls, and stealing clan secrets from little girls in broad daylight in the new village that they had founded together in the name of peace was a completely new kind of low, so low in fact he had trouble believing his own ears, but the girls thankfully didn't activate their doujutsu. Instead, they started clapping and singing. He recognized the song and pattern of the game little kids usually played around the compound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn't entirely sure the cold-eyed demon he once saw driving a fist inside a man's ribcage and this giggly overgrown girl playing pattycake with normal-sized little girls were the same person, but they shared Ranma's face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You're ruining it! We have to start over again!” whined the Uchiha girl that was playing with Ranma.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's not my fault your version doesn't make sense,” Ranma whined back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn't make sense because it's a feint,” he explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The little girls squealed and scrambled to bow to him. Ranma only turned her head and smiled up to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm surprised you're still here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked up to her and crossed his arms. “I'm still here because I overheard one of the Demon Twins asking one of my clansgirls to show her her spinning sharingan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She mulled over it for a second. “I realize how bad it sounds without context. I apologize.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He accepted her apology with a nod and squatted next to her, letting his forearms rest on his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have to pay attention to the hands to get it right. Younger children usually don't sing that part because the song is a second thought, a feint to make the other lose,” he explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you play it too, Uchiha-sama?” one of the Senju girls asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I was younger than you are now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaa-san told me it was an old game,” one of the Uchiha said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He bristled and was about to complain when he realized Ranma was making choking sounds. He narrowed his eyes and shoved at her. She toppled over like a tree, making huge breathless sounds as she smacked the ground with her fists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you done?” he asked pointedly when her laughter had subsided to the occasional chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so,” she said, still breathless, sitting up. “Where are the girls?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Their mothers took them away when you descended into mad cackles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Surely it had nothing to do with your leaking killing intent to get me to stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Surely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long silence as they thought if they should say something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you still remember how to play pattycake, Madara?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to add one version of it to the physical therapy wing in the hospital, and I could use some Uchiha input to create a mix-and-match version with the best of each clan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara's left eyebrow rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? Pattycakes is nothing but practice for handseals, how to change from one to the other and several basic taijutsu and kenjutsu moves and blocks,” she explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara's right eyebrow probably rose too but with his bangs it was hard to tell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is a sound reasoning,” he conceded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. I mostly want to do it to spite Tobira.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to know the story behind that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only if you agree to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As much as the prospect of spiting Tobirama pleases me, I can't be seen playing pattycake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For the damage it would cause to your intimidation factor?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared incredulously at her. “Because I'm my clan's Head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked at him a couple of times, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara remembered the day Hashirama had spent going about his business with uneven pigtails because one Senju little girl had asked to do his hair that morning, and tried to convey how different their approach to being a Head was with a swipe of his hand. Understanding dawned in Ranma's eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes I forget people add gravitas to that title,” she said, standing up. “Anyway, please consider it nonetheless. Privacy is easily achieved and the benefits are many. Have a good day, Madara.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You've been spending an awful lot of time on Hashirama's Drunken Forest,” Tobirama said. He sounded way too casual to be casual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Ranma leveled her eyes at him. She looked way too innocent to be innocent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With Madara.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are your evil plans going to affect me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No evil plans whatsoever, only sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don't you </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare</span>
  </em>
  <span> lie to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Izuna had opened and closed his mouth all along the day, like he wanted to ask something but wasn't sure he wanted an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm on the brink of losing my patience with you,” Madara prompted him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and Ranma...” Izuna waved a hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Working on something together to spite Tobirama.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't believe you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then don't.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long pause before Izuna spoke again. “It's her eyes, isn't it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? What do her eyes have to do with anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are a nice shade of red.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara frowned. “How would you possibly know that? I thought you and...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Both of them have the same shade.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shall I book the Village Hall for a wedding?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, that was rushed of me. First we need to change the laws so you can marry two people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SHUT UP!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hashirama had headed for the Drunken Forest to blow off some steam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Granted, its official name was Forest of Death, but he had created it one day he had been quite drunk, and the trees inside were twisted and leaning into each other like a bunch of drunkards, so the nickname suited it better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had learned long ago that twisted thoughts made twisted trees, so when he had a bad day he just dropped by the forest, made twisted trees until his thoughts were straight again and called it a day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he had been in a good day, he might have reacted differently: exuberant declarations of happiness at finally having all his beloved people coming together, a bout of depression at how fast time flies by and how fast his sister had grown to become a woman, a group bear-hug, a rant about the meaning of true love, even a couple of death threats to his friend for added drama if it struck his fancy. But since he was having a bad day, he only sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose when he saw Madara and Ranma coming out, together, from the forest no one but him visited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least there was a silver lining to it: it was Madara and not </span>
  <em>
    <span>Izuna</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranma was trying to decipher the secret writing code commonly known as Izuna's handwriting when her door opened with deliberate slowness and ominous creeks, finally revealing Tobirama under the threshold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You've allied yourself with Madara for this. I hope you will find it was worth,” he declared, tossing a scroll to her and turning around. He stopped and gave her one last look over his shoulder, his face half hidden in darkness, before disappearing with a Hiraishin. And to think, people were foolish enough to believe Hashirama was the dramatic one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened the scroll her other self had left and was darkly pleased to find out her glorified pattycake for the hospital had been accepted. She hadn't expected Tobirama to react so badly, though honestly she shouldn't have named it 'Door to Healing' either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you know,” Izuna said one day, chin on his hand and elbow on his brother's desk, “that little kids sing in your honor?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come again?” Madara asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know that playground game when they sing and clap? One of those with your name in the song, and it's catchy. It goes 'Madara has a mission, makes tiger then a horse, doubles on your vision, the fire it feels coarse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 86</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rumor spread through the battlefield like a wildfire. It was only a name and yet it instilled countless fears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No way! He's on the other front!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>There are two!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuuhi Daichi felt the hysteria starting to take root in his brain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What?!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>That was an imposter!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The Uchiha next to him started whimpering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>This is the real one!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>He's an Edo Tensei!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The Uchiha was on her knees, hands over her eyes. Daichi dug his fingers on her shoulders, trying to bring her back to her feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No, he's alive!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>He never died!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Up!” he shouted in her ear. “STAND UP! HE DIED ONCE HE WILL DIE AGAIN! ALL MEN DIE! UP ON YOUR FEET!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He's no man,” she whispered. “He's the Eyestealer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A boogieman, Daichi thought as the hysteria kept creeping in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled the Uchiha up by her collar and shook her. Yes, a man using a fake name controlled seven bijuu, dead legends came back from the Pure Lands and told you how to counter their attacks, your friends could turn out to be evil sentient goo, and apparently Nidaime Hokage-sama </span>
  <em>
    <span>had returned from the dead only to have sex with his equally resurrected wife, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and a boogieman would fit right in, but he was putting his foot down because...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“UCHIHA MADARA'S ONLY A MAN, ANOTHER DEAD SHINOBI TO SEAL AWAY! HE'S NOT A BOOGIEMAN, HE'S NOTHING BUT A MAN!” He didn't know when he had started shouting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“STOP SHAKING ME!” the Uchiha hollered at him, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the fire he liked to see on his comrades' eyes. She was snarling now and it was beautiful. “He's not even a man! HE'S A NURSERY RHYME! A GAME FOR LITTLE KIDS!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HE'S SHIT, THAT'S WHAT HE IS!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>People in the first row were cheering and getting ready to charge. Apparently there had been a rousing speech and they were too far away to hear it, but their personal speech was better than anything. Daichi and the Uchiha faced forward and squared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You treefuckers have a nursery rhyme with your first missing-nin?” asked a Kumo nin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes we do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You're all </span>
  <em>
    <span>sick.</span>
  </em>
  <span> And </span>
  <em>
    <span>crazy.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi growled instead of answering, sprinting forward. A nursery rhyme had nothing on the Shinobi Alliance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Daichi was close enough to see that every one of Uchiha Madara's movements had a purpose. Not a single wasted millimeter on each punch, kick and dodge.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Madara has a mission</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Daichi was close enough to see how seamlessly he waved the handseals. He could tell it was a katon, but couldn't recognize which one.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>makes tiger then a horse</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara was close enough to see how this Konoha-nin's eyes crossed to try to avoid his sharingan.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>doubles on your vision</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara was close enough to blow the jutsu right on the Konoha symbol.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>the fire it feels coarse</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Rhyming? Never heard of her</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Wedding Anniversary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is just crack, folks</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 10</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The twins had let themselves in and were making breakfast when Mito walked into her kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she said when Tobirama handed her a plate. “Will you be in your offices today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” he answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would like to drop by to discuss the arrangements. I have already prepared most of the seals so it should be a problem less.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Aneue,” Ranma said. “We need to discuss </span>
  <em>
    <span>how </span>
  </em>
  <span>to tell the rest of the village. They've never been through this before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A statement asking everyone to stay home to update security.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Uchiha won't buy it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anija will deal with them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning. Will I deal with what?” Hashirama asked, walking into the kitchen. Then he proceeded to not pay attention, choosing to smooch his wife instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hashirama,” Mito said between kisses, “the tea's getting cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'll stop when you stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, this is the last. Not good enough, another. Not good either, another.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There's people around, you know?” Ranma told them while Tobirama sighed and went to the sink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suiton: glass of water no jutsu,” he splashed them with water and put the glass on the table. “As I was saying, anija, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> will tell the Uchiha.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama blushed so hard he turned purple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You blush too much for a man who engages in casual nudity, anija.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Human bodies are god's handiwork, Ranma, but this is different. It's private!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two are too loud to be private.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Tobira! I don't want Madara to know about my sex life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama and Ranma threw him incredulous looks. Mito choked on her tea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama patted her on the back, and it wasn't clear if he didn't realize or was ignoring them masterfully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Somebody was knocking insistently on the door. Izuna opened it to find an embarrassed Hashirama on the porch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Madara!” Hashirama screeched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I'm Izuna.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NoIknowthatIjustneedtoseeMadara!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izuna slammed the door on his face. The sound of rapping on the door accompanied him down the hallway and into the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moss-for-brains came to see you,” he told his brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don't call him that,” Madara stood up and went to answer the door. The rapping was becoming quickly annoying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HiMadarahowareyou?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What's wrong with you?” Madara asked slowly, raising an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“NothingI'mfineIjustwantedtogiveyouthese,” Hashirama shoved something on his chest. “Youhavetoputthemonthecornersofyourcompoundandactivatethemtomorrowatsevenpm. Thankyouhaveaniceday!” And then he ran away, leaving only a cloud of dust behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara stared in confusion at the dust and then at the seals his friend had left him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He's spiraling down quickly,” Izuna said behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mito was going over the last arrangements for the evening with the twins when the window of their office opened and Hashirama peeked in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank Kami you're all here,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do now, anija?” Tobirama asked, walking to the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No time to explain, take Heiwa,” he carefully placed a clothed bundle on Tobirama's arms and just </span>
  <em>
    <span>bolted.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a long, awkward silence, only broken by the soft rustle of cloth as Tobirama opened up the bundle and started stroking his fingers on the content.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did my beloved husband mean peace as the concept or as my daughter's name?” Mito asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heiwa gurgled happily from her place on her uncle's arms, and Mito pinched the bridge of her nose.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Izuna barged into the twins' office and slammed the seals on the desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is this?” he snarled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My niece sleeps,” Ranma growled, making him pause.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked around to find Tobirama glaring daggers at him and holding a baby in his arms. When his sister nodded, he left the room without a word, still pinning Izuna with a glare that could sour soy sauce.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you realize if Tobirama would have been fully asleep instead of just dozing off you would have a kunai sticking out of your skull right now,” when Izuna didn't answer, Ranma continued. “All of us are putting too much effort into this village for it to fail because of a little carelessness, so I beg of you to never again barge into this office. Besides, I like bantering with you and I don't want to lose such a worthy opponent,” she smiled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave her an incredulous look but relented anyway. “I shouldn't have come in so... brashly, but I do have a legitimate concern,” he explained and pushed the seals towards her. “Today Hashirama went to my house, shoved these on aniki's chest and ran off. I usually don't care about what those two are up to but he's been avoiding Madara all day and we don't know what these seals are for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can't believe we almost had an incident because of this,” Ranma dragged her hand down her face. “Those are the silencing seals for tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinked owlishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, he didn't explain a single thing, the bastard,” she groaned as understanding dawned on her. “I'm going to murder him and scatter his limbs across the continent. Let me find the right words for this... So, tomorrow is the... anniversary of anija and aneue's wedding, right? And they... celebrate it every year. A nice dinner, a few drinks...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...good for them but it doesn't explain the seals.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't want to do this,” she groaned again. “Can't you just activate them and not ask why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> activate a seal my brother or I give you without further explanations?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice try but you're as paranoid as me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You're confusing me with Tobirama.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I am not. And explain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, fine! But you won't like it. So, both anija and aneue possess a lot of... </span>
  <em>
    <span>stamina</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and also more importantly a good set of lungs, and if you couple that with both of them being tipsy, you'll get... an intense celebration.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izuna understood where this was going but it still explained nothing. “I see, but why the seal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They can get a bit... too loud. There was this anniversary when they kicked Tobirama and I out to have a little privacy, and they kept everyone up all night. When we went back the next day half the house was obliterated and the garden had so many new plants we had to cut our way through with jutsu. The year after that anija made a cabin out of the compound, some six kilometers off the walls and we could still </span>
  <em>
    <span>listen</span>
  </em>
  <span> to them, so the clan decided to just kick them out on their anniversary and seal the grounds off until the next day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izuna raised his eyebrow. “If you wanted to play a prank you should have thought of something more believable than this load of crap.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged. “Suit yourself. The seals will be in our house when you need them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Someone was knocking on the door. Ranma shouted for them to come on in because her niblings were too comfy lying on her legs and Tobirama was lost in a research frenzy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izuna walked into the living room, eyes unhinged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'll get Tobira,” she said. She made a handseal and sent one of her clones to fetch him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izuna was starting to loosen up in the peaceful silence inside the twins' house when Tobirama walked in. He stopped and smirked at the Uchiha's state.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need help with something, Izuna?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You Senju are </span>
  <em>
    <span>sick! </span>
  </em>
  <span>And </span>
  <em>
    <span>crazy!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you don't need anything I'll return to my lab.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don't make me beg.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama put on his earplugs with an shit-eating grin and led him away.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Diplomacy in Iwa</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Every time I write Madara's POV he angst comes crashing down. Kind of a warning for an extended black out</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 17</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You've been distant,” Izuna said suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have I?” Madara asked, pausing with his chopsticks in midair. “Or have you been spending more time with the Senju?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, aniki... Our jobs overlap a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do Hashirama's and mine and we keep our pants on. Or at least I do; he's fond of casual nudity, you see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for the information I never wanted to know, aniki, but I'm trying to be serious,” Izuna toyed with his dinner. “You look like shit all the time, and we haven't sat down to talk in I don't know how long. I...,” he huffed, trailing off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara stiffened. “Something happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don't worry. It's actually a solution.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A solution to what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'll tell you when you come back from Iwa.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why so mysterious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because annoying you is my duty as your younger brother. Now you'll be racking that soft mush you call brain until you come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you too. Wash the dishes, I'm going to sleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, Madara had fucked up. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Brink-of-war</span>
  </em>
  <span> fucked up. He had somehow salvaged the situation, but he knew for sure Mito was going to skin him alive for the amount of pacifying she'd have to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What the hell was he thinking, making veiled threats and overt references to Konoha's power right in the middle of Iwa? </span>
  <em>
    <span>He was a peace emissary!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew he had a hard time getting out of the war mindset </span>
  <em>
    <span>(all of them, except Hashirama, Kami bless the stupid oak; but they had been born in war, for war, they had heard the dying and smelled the blood since they were four and gone out to kill or be killed since they were six)</span>
  </em>
  <span> but he was trying his best </span>
  <em>
    <span>(his best was not enough)</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What really worried him was, he knew it was a terrible idea to threaten war to Iwa as soon as the words left his mouth, knew it even before he spoke, and yet he did anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the trinkets he kept losing, the scenes he remembered that didn't happen, the unabridged rage at the most stupid comments, the moments he discovered he had been staring at nothing for a long time, little clues that added up to him finally losing his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe the Mangekyou made you crazy as well as blind. He should ask Izuna if he was going crazy too </span>
  <em>
    <span>(if he could extricate him from the twins for long enough. What was the deal with Izuna and two people?),</span>
  </em>
  <span> right after he told Hashirama to pull him from diplomatic missions altogether.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was running back to the village -back </span>
  <em>
    <span>home-</span>
  </em>
  <span> at double pace now. He felt eyes on the back of his neck. He could sense no one but it meant nothing; one of the Iwa-nin, whatshisface Muu, could split in two and go completely unnoticed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His stomach grumbled. He tried to remember when was the last time he had eaten and came back with a blank. He had been wary to eat while in Iwa... scratch that, he hadn't been hungry. And he hadn't been hungry the day before, and the day before that he couldn't be bothered to stop to hunt...</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he hadn't eaten in at least four days, and hadn't drunk anything in at least thirty hours. No wonder his brain was as useless as Hashirama's; his body was running on chakra alone to survive. Izuna was going to shout at him like he was a little child, disrespecting </span>
  <em>
    <span>him and cementing the contempt the whole clan had for their failure of a Head...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Stop, he told himself, just stop. It's the hunger talking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Risking an encounter with whoever was tailing him, he headed for the town he could feel nearby. It was a civilian one, so he dropped to the ground and walked in so he didn't scare anyone. Still, he felt the sideway glances they threw at him. Civilians had no love for the shinobi that ravaged their fields. The glares still hurt, though. He was trying to change that, trying to be better </span>
  <em>
    <span>(again, not enough).</span>
  </em>
</p><p><span>He found</span> <span>a group of kids that didn't have a scared feeling to their chakra </span><em><span>(In civilian settlements, it's always best for teenage and adult shinobi to interact with curious kids,</span></em><span> he had helped write that lesson for the Academy, months of work shoulder to shoulder with Frosty Bast –Tobirama. </span><em><span>Keep your expression open and honest, and avoid as much as possible the scared kids, the elderly and the women - as they might grant your needs out of fear –, and the young men – as they might try to taunt and fight you) </span></em><span>and asked them where he could buy food. One of the kids volunteered his mother's cooking.</span></p><p>
  <span>Madara followed the brat to his house, paid too much for some leftovers and sat under a tree to eat. After that... a blank.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Izuna paced around the Hokage office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's only been two days,” Hashirama tried to placate him, the tiredness of a long day showing clearly on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He'd have sent word, especially after this shitshow,” Izuna paused long enough to answer and then resumed pacing. “What the f... What were you thinking, sending him to Iwa? He's never been diplomatic and his temper's flaring too much lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you suggest then? Even with his temper, he's a founder. This mission needed one of us and I'm tied to this... </span>
  <em>
    <span>desk.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>that and I can't bring myself to care. And he shouldn't have gone alone, no Uchiha goes alone. I'm going out to fetch him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama sighed. “Habu-san?” he called out to the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An unnaturally pale shinobi appeared out of nowhere and knelt on the floor. “Hokage-sama?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Find any two Inuzuka that are awake at this hour and tell them to be mission-ready at the gates in half an hour.” Hashirama ordered and Habu nodded curtly, disappearing in a flurry of leaves. Hashirama eyed them. “I wonder why they're purplish.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Izuna blinked. “Excuse me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean the Yashagorou, not the leaves. All of them have purplish skin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this really the time for that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have half an hour to kill before your teammates are at the gates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Inuzuka I just called for. I can't and won't stop you, but you're no tracker, and you just told me no Uchiha goes alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Izuna returned two days later without any news about his brother when he was told Madara had returned earlier that same day. </span>
  <span>He ran to their house and stopped right in front of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could tell so many things were wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aniki?” he asked. His heart was breaking and he didn't know why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm fine,” Madara dismissed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unharmed maybe, but not fine. Where have you been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I... I just needed some space.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn't you tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm sorry, Izuna. Really, don’t worry about me.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. MIto Muses</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 1</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Mito had met Hashirama two years ago, she'd liked what she'd seen. He had come alone to Whirlpool Country, and the uncle that had lead him there had praised his skills in navigating the eddies – a natural, her Uncle had said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had watched from afar as he stepped on the shore and greeted the small welcome party with confidence and charm, a bit disheveled by his journey but not tired. Even at his young age he had a presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had looked at him when they were properly introduced. He had cleaned up nicely, with his long hair well combed and formal clothing befitting of the occasion, but there was a small stiffness on his shoulders and a faint blush on his cheeks that belied how uncomfortable he felt. Still, the blushing only made him more endearing, if her cousins' giggles were any indication.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had studied him when they were left alone –with her family right next door, as was proper. He was easy to chat with, keeping up with many topics. His laughter bubbled easily from his chest, and his eyes were always smiling, even if he was obviously feeling shy and overwhelmed. She decided she was on board with marrying this man and she told her clan so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now that she had met his family, she didn't like what she was seeing. They had come in a huge caravan, twenty strong, and they had taken a ship, steering it with suiton.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was too busy saying her goodbyes and getting all her belongings into the storage scrolls to watch them come ashore, but one of her aunts said the Clan Head seemed in a hurry to leave again. Too rude to accept her clan's hospitality, or so it came across. Sometimes there's no difference.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at them during her goodbye feast. Her family were enjoying themselves, but the Senju didn't or maybe they couldn't. There was a tiredness around them, like they had been pushing too hard for too long; the bone-deep weariness of those who see no end nearby. She knew the Senju were currently at war, and she thought she knew what that meant because she had seen a few battles herself, but her eyes were telling her she knew nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was this what war really looked like? Hollow people only waking up in the morning because it was their duty, breaths taken raggedly with the expectation that a hidden blade would make it the last, children with eyes older than her Clan's elders?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She studied them once they left her home for good. Her father in law was always frantic, always barking instead of talking. His whole body was tense and ready for battle all the time, his eyes scanning every wave, every tree, every shadow on their way back. Her brother and sister in law were all over the place, front and back and front again, patrolling the caravan and sensing ahead, she later learned. In her opinion, they were too young to sleep so little, too young to be pushing themselves so hard, too young for the tired and sharp gazes they had. Too young for the emptiness in their eyes. They were used to giving orders, though she noted with a certain relief they didn't bark like their father.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy was serious, with a mind sharper than most adults, but couldn't be bothered to waste breath. Small talk didn't agree with him. He only spoke of serious things, and scoffed a lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl was overly bubbly, in a way that seemed rehearsed. She filled every silence with inane chatter and overly big smiles, but it seemed to be a front. She was sharper than she let on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hadn't heard any of them laugh. The only genuine interaction was when they curled their lips at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the whole caravan, all twenty of them, kept their hands close to their weapons and their eyes darting around, all business and heavy minds, so unlike Hashirama's carefree happiness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mito was on board with marrying Hashirama but his clan wasn't to her liking. She would have to see what she could do to improve them.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Not Mad, Just Dissapointed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Year 11</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After the accident with the overpowered doton that cracked a couple of walls, Madara and Hashirama had gathered their clans together in front of the Administration and given them a speech.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'm sorry but you're going too hard. We have the need to forbid the use of ninjutsu on the training grounds inside the village,” Hashirama said, and he sounded just </span>
  <em>
    <span>so disappointed</span>
  </em>
  <span> that the Senju (and some Uchiha as well) flinched. Disappointing Hashirama made you feel ashamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beat the tar out of each other out in the woods,” Madara added, voice flat and tired like he lost his faith in you, and the Uchiha (and some Senju as well) dropped their heads. If Madara lost his faith in you you had done one too many things wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then the Clan Heads dismissed them and walked back into the Administration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn't sure it would work on this scale but it went like a charm,” Madara whispered so no one but Hashirama could hear. “I felt the shame in their chakra.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about a toast to the power of '</span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm not mad, just disappointed'</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Hashirama asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as it's good stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My moonshine is good stuff!” Hashirama complained, opened the door to his office and went straight to his liquor cabinet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It corrodes metal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it's strong!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, just no. Give me sake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Partypooper.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Anytime between years 14-16</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We need to be not mad, just disappointed again,” Madara said when he entered the Hokage office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? What happened now?” Hashirama asked, his eyes wide with confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Inuzuka Ashi and Hatake Kuwa complained about everyone having sex on the training grounds because their clans can smell it. It smells, and I'm quoting them, like the only thing getting done in Konoha is people,” he huffed and gestured briskly with his hands, sitting on a chair. “I was about to tell them to shove it because... just because, but apparently the problem was, the smell was so strong some of their clanspeople were getting sick... why are you blushing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama made an embarrassed sound, red as a tomato.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wouldn't know anything about this, would you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama gave an embarrassed laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you...? You know what, don’t answer that. I'll write a notice and give it to everyone.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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